37!

If you would live your life with true freedom and you would allow yourself to express your feelings no matter what; Wouldn't it be that the ultimate goal and path to true happiness?

If you allow yourself to grow without social, religious, political or family restrictions, 

- What would you do? 

- Who would you be?

- Where would you be at?  

- How would you look like? 

These were some of the questions I've been asking myself for some time.

One of the answers to these questions came to me in the form of my hair... 

If I would never comb it and I would just let it grow and be itself it would definitely get tangled and crazy... 

So I tried to fast forward that process and find out what is that I would look like if I would let my hair be free, and there it was: "Dreadlocks"; that later I accessorized and make it look "pretty to my taste" 

When I was done knitting my locks, I told myself I'm going to count how many of them I got and I knew that number was going to be a meaningful number for me. They were: 37! 

One for each year that I lived in this earth, 37 messy, crazy, coconutty oiled wrapped locks, talking about me, telling strangers about my journey, how I am a mother, how I am a sister and a daughter and wife and a friend... 

My 37 locks will tell you everything about me if you listen carefully, you will hear them screaming of my past and predicting my future while shining on my present.

I needed them to remind me of my childhood, my teen years, and how free I used to feel when I was just me and living life at its fullest when I didn't know anything about countries and immigrating and leaving home, and laws and rules and people don't liking me just because of my skin color. 

My dreads reminded me of who I used to be when I was unaware of money and unfairness when I was all away from the complexity of being married, or the extreme responsibility that is to be a mother. They reminded me of who I was, but also, showed me who I should be.

37 locks in my mane were holding tight on me; shining proudly like a crown on its queen's head, like if they were giving the hug from the mother that needed so bad, crawling into my mind to whisper me what to do next, how to stand against negativity and showing me how I could too if I want to, shine under the sun. 

They came to help me to sing again that old song all forgotten but still beautiful; that is longing to come out to the world and be listened to. 37 they were and made me feel wholesome again.

But now that they did their job they are leaving me, and I want to cry, but they promised me to come back soon to teach me more and new things when the time is right.

 I'll wait for them patiently because I know now that everything has its time and reasons.

I will never forget the 37 locks that whispered in my ear who I was and who I am not supposed to be, they gave me the soft caress I needed for so long, and especially, my 37 locks gave my spirit it's true look.

Natalia.