My January 26ths

My January 26s are magical, they are sad, they are sweet, they resonate in my heart, they are key days in my life, my 26s of January are cabalistic, miraculous, emblematic, my 26s of January speaks of my story, of my happy days , of my essence, my 26s of January are of anger, of hatred, of strength and deep pain, of the most tearing and dark pain, they remind me of the best and the worst thing that has happened to me, having you and not being able to have you anymore... It is joy and celebration, but it is also anguish and tragedy ... Today, January 26th, I suffer and enjoy my beloved "Mamita", how different would it be if you were here, I never got the chance to "celebrate" you on your day because I was still a little girl When you left, today we would have celebrated together, we would have gone out or had a party, we would have sung and danced as you liked, I would have given you something nice, I would have taken you to do the manicure or to have your hair fixed, you would have been the queen I never got the chance to live that with you and We both deserved it, you never saw me being an adult, or enjoy your granddaughters, I  never got to see you being the loving and playful grandmother you would have been, you never got to enjoy me without having to "raise me" and I never enjoyed you as the wise woman that you would be now, you never enjoyed the fruits that you planted in me, I never enjoyed giving those fruits to the creator of them, but here I have them kept, in my heart, in my soul, they are yours, you were the perfect mom , you gave me more than anyone ever in this life can give me, your love and sacrifice still live with me, I owe everything to you and this life did not give me the chance to pay for it, thanks for taking care of me, for teaching me the word love, thank you for the sacrifice, for the endurance when you deserved much more of life, thanks for sacrificing yourself for giving me a family, for enduring mistreatment away from yours, thanks for giving up you, for giving everything to me, for crying in silence so you wont worry me, for smiling and making my life the happiest even when you were sad inside, if someone deserved to be happy were you, if someone deserved to celebrate, enjoy their granddaughters, travel, receive sincere love and enjoy life was you , but this is not a life of the righteous, nor of the good, this life is a mystery and you left so you wont suffer it anymore, you left me alone but with all my memories of you, alone but with your words echoing in my head , lonely but with your smile loaded in my heart, lonely but you sent my daughters that remind me so much of you, each in their own style carry your blood, your genes, your mood, your smile, your mettle, thanks for living in them; I long for the day to see you again, to hug you and touch your beautiful and firm hands, there is not and there will never be a way to pay you everything you gave me. I love you beautiful mommy, wait for me together again to sing someday on your birthday 🎂❤️